by Chumbawamba, one of the best beer anthems of the late 1990s, co-inciding with the beginning of university. Strangely, I never acquired a taste for beer. I more than compensated for this by getting a taste for Wine and Coffee during this time. Strange, that.
I started out very well intentioned today – really I did. I drove across town to meet up with Jay and Shells at jells at 0800. We had a 12km run planned. I thought I could do it – having done 10km runs recently. From the beginning though – plagued by niggles but more importantly unhelpful thoughts.
eg: I didn’t lose any weight (I actually gained 400 grams this week blerk…), I am too fat to be running, I am holding Jay and Shells back, Why the hell am I bothering with this, Oh my God my ITB is twinging (it was only a twinge) Oh my God my hip is twinging (only really running up hills), I don’t know why I bother, I won’t make it, Why won’t the hammies and calves warm up dammit, I was much better than this a year ago blaah blah blah. This was interspersed with feeble attempts to try and talk to myself nicely. An acute loss of Mojo.
So about 3.7km in, I told the girls I was going home and not doing R4TK anymore.
Then I walked back to the car. I ran-walked. Then I saw a short, mildly chubby lady, running, powering up the hill. And I thought…..fuckit, if she can do it, I can too. So I ran with her for about a km – after asking her permission. She prolly ran 6:15ish ks. After that I felt good. And a bit more resolved.
So I got home and went straight to the gym. I put the tready up to 10km/hr (6 minute km) for 15 minutes – I had never managed this before. And I did it. A small but significant victory.
So the plan is this:
- I will attempt 4 laps of prinny (12.8km) sometime this week.
- If I can do this without significant discomfort, I will ask the sports doc and get the clearance from her.
- If I get clearance, I will do R4TK ( or maybe the lesser distance). I cannot wear my R4TK shirt in good conscience if I have not done the event.
- If I do the race, I will do it ALONE, with my music, and in my own time. I need to run my own race, not feel like I am holding people back.
- I will be Goddamn happy no matter what time I take, because I deserve to be happy with it.
- And I will attend drinks at Transport with my head held high, and only partake of the lemon lime and bitters / cokes (wine is too strong after a race).
- Because – as Dean Karnazes said, Walk if you have to, Crawl if you must, but never, ever give up.
I think that sounds like a plan. A sensible plan. I have been putting a lot of pressure on myself lately, and getting a bit down on myself for not being as fast as Jay or Shells. I just need to be the best that I can be.
After the gym, I went to the Sydney Road festival. It was good to have a wander around. I bought myself some things (Birthday presents)
A pretty purple pair of shoes (at 49 bux, down from about 220)
And this – a silver pendant. This will be my birthday present from my mother in law 🙂
I also passed by the vegetarian network of victoria marquee. I have been interested in cutting down my meat intake for a little while, and becoming increasingly concerned by the animal welfare and environmental aspects – I only buy free range chicken and eggs. But a few people I know are vegetarian, and they are very slim, fit and healthy, with no major deficiencies. So I picked up a few pamphlets. And I bought a book called “the CSIRO perfidy”, a polemic against the CSIRO total wellbeing diet. I will let you all know what it says.
So hopefully I stay in a less stinky mindset. And stay well. And injury free. And get a little lighter next week. I need to pat myself on the back and not rely on others to do it for me.