I get knocked down, but I get up again…

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by Chumbawamba, one of the best beer anthems of the late 1990s, co-inciding with the beginning of university. Strangely, I never acquired a taste for beer. I more than compensated for this by getting a taste for Wine and Coffee during this time. Strange, that.

I started out very well intentioned today – really I did. I drove across town to meet up with Jay and Shells at jells at 0800. We had a 12km run planned. I thought I could do it – having done 10km runs recently. From the beginning though – plagued by niggles but more importantly unhelpful thoughts.

eg:  I didn’t lose any weight (I actually gained 400 grams this week blerk…), I am too fat to be running, I am holding Jay and Shells back, Why the hell am I bothering with this, Oh my God my ITB is twinging (it was only a twinge) Oh my God my hip is twinging (only really running up hills), I don’t know why I bother, I won’t make it, Why won’t the hammies and calves warm up dammit, I was much better than this a year ago blaah blah blah. This was interspersed with feeble attempts to try and talk to myself nicely. An acute loss of Mojo.

So about 3.7km in, I told the girls I was going home and not doing R4TK anymore.

Then I walked back to the car. I ran-walked. Then I saw a short, mildly chubby lady, running, powering up the hill. And I thought…..fuckit, if she can do it, I can too. So I ran with her for about a km – after asking her permission. She prolly ran 6:15ish ks. After that I felt good. And a bit more resolved.

So I got home and went straight to the gym. I put the tready up to 10km/hr (6 minute km) for 15 minutes – I had never managed this before. And I did it. A small but significant victory.

So the plan is this:

  • I will attempt 4 laps of prinny (12.8km) sometime this week.
  • If I can do this without significant discomfort, I will ask the sports doc and get the clearance from her.
  • If I get clearance, I will do R4TK ( or maybe the lesser distance). I cannot wear my R4TK shirt in good conscience if I have not done the event.
  • If I do the race, I will do it ALONE, with my music, and in my own time. I need to run my own race, not feel like I am holding people back.
  • I will be Goddamn happy no matter what time I take, because I deserve to be happy with it.
  • And I will attend drinks at Transport with my head held high, and only partake of the lemon lime and bitters / cokes (wine is too strong after a race).
  • Because – as Dean Karnazes said, Walk if you have to, Crawl if you must, but never, ever give up.

I think that sounds like a plan. A sensible plan. I have been putting a lot of pressure on myself lately, and getting a bit down on myself for not being as fast as Jay or Shells. I just need to be the best that I can be.

Ok……

After the gym, I went to the Sydney Road festival. It was good to have a wander around. I bought myself some things (Birthday presents)

A pretty purple pair of shoes (at 49 bux, down from about 220)

And this – a silver pendant. This will be my birthday present from my mother in law 🙂

I also passed by the vegetarian network of victoria marquee. I have been interested in cutting down my meat intake for a little while, and becoming increasingly concerned by the animal welfare and environmental aspects – I only buy free range chicken and eggs. But a few people I know are vegetarian, and they are very slim, fit and healthy, with no major deficiencies. So I picked up a few pamphlets. And I bought a book called “the CSIRO perfidy”, a polemic against the CSIRO total wellbeing diet. I will let you all know what it says.

So hopefully I stay in a less stinky mindset. And stay well. And injury free. And get a little lighter next week. I need to pat myself on the back and not rely on others to do it for me.

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4 responses »

  1. We all get in a rut or lose our mojo – it is how quickly we can get it back that makes us stronger. Its not important how fast you run (even though we all want to run faster) its that you get out there.
    If running on your own doesn’t work, come down on Wednesdays at 6pm to Tony’s running group – it is helping me (I am slow). We all help each other – the first week I was holding everyone back – the second week I was helping a girl struggling. Sometimes it helps to have someone helping you along – as long as its still at a comfortable pace for you. If you are not ready for R4TK running & injury wise remember – there will be other races.

  2. Sassy, you are a resilient little creature, so don’t get disheartened. Try not to compare yourself to me or jay as it creates a lot of pressure on yourself. Also, while you are running, your thoughts seem to be a bit on the negative side, try instead to focus on what you can do, instead of what you can’t do. Four laps of prinny is huge! Do it if you feel comfortable but don’t be a hero if your hip/ITB hurts, I would hate to see you get injured! Also, if you have doubts about R4TK maybe see if you can do the shorter distance, but it will all be up to how you feel after your long run. Ps. I will join you for a LLB at Transport!
    And finally, HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

  3. Seems like we are in a similar space at the moment. I love your plan, I think it might match my R4TK plan too, especially the on my own, with my music, at my own pace bit – it’s all about survival for me too now. I still want to do the long distance though – even if it hurts a bit and I have stop and stretch, walk a bit etc.

    And I’ll be so disappointed if you don’t do it – I see you infrequently enough as it is – I was looking forward to catching up -especially the drinks at the Transport afterwards.

    Thanks for your comment on last nights post – it cheered me up.

  4. I’m so glad to hear someone else thinking like this (not that i want you to be mojo-less or anything). I’ve been so negative about r4tK, prolly cos it’s the first run I did and I’m so much less fit now. But you’ve got me inspired… sometimes we lose sight of the most important part of these events, the drinks at the end 😀

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