2012 – a man-retrospective. Part 1.


*Results not typical.

**Warning – kiss and tell. Have to walk the boundaries between TMI and being cryptic.

So I have gotten out there. Got dating.

I don’t really believe there is a “good time” to start dating again. You can be totally unready after years, or raring to go after a month. I was more toward the latter. I had felt starved of a lot of things (attention, affection, nookie) for such a long time that I was like a kid in a candy store. A puppy let out of a laundry, all excited and doing happy laps.

I cannot learn by cliches. I must learn by doing. Then the truisms start to make sense. And truly, I have learned a lot, in the thick of things, “on the job”.

2012 has been a big year. A lot of blokes churned through (that sounds bad, does it not?) Any bloke I dated more than once, I learned something from.

Let me begin my odyssey..

NYE 2012 – I was at a gawd-awful ball. A couple of my friends had gone off with blokes. Me and my only other friend there went off to the pub across the road. I spotted a cute dark skinned fellow. I could not hear a word he said. We had a pash. Then about 3 minutes after that, he vomited all over the table. Nice. I left after that. I only sent a very terse reply to his text message the next day.


January – The BBG (big bald guy). He got in contact with me on RSVP, and took ages to send a message after I had replied in the affirmative. First date was a dinner, after which he planted one on me. We went back to my car – more of the same. He was quite nice, we talked well, but I called “friends” after a few dates. There was no spark. Also he sweated on my new sheets. That is a red-cardable offence 😉

We remained friends. A few times, there were clumsy tussles after a bit too much alcohol and/or me feeling vulnerable and there was “talk” about moving things further but  it never came to anything. It looked good on paper but neither of us had our hearts in it.

Late Jan/Early Feb – Around Australia day was my famous three-date weekend.

Bachelor #1 – A Singaporean fellow. We had brekky, got on like a house on fire. We went on another couple of dates. There was no spark, and I felt bad. But I liked him, I really did. So I said “I would really like to be friends” and meant it. And we did. We still yap every week. A few weeks after we went out, he met a woman who is now his fiancee. Things turned out well, and I may be his groomslady(?!)

Bachelor #2 – Lawyer. Photo – TDH (Tall, dark, handsome). Pre-date conversation was brief. We met in the city for coffee. His photo had been about 10 years old – there were 10 extra kilos, there was 50% less hair. {I must say here – I love a bald guy. 2 words – Bruce Willis. Indeed, there is little more sexy than a man who can say “if the hair is going, it is going on my terms” and swagger about like a boss with his chrome dome. Buzzcuts – ditto]

I felt a bit bad for being angry about the false advertising, but soon stopped feeling bad when he showed me his personality. What. A. Douchebag!!

Bachelor #3 = OMG. The anthropologist. Tall, ruggedly handsome, sensitive, intelligent. More about him here.

Feb(fail) – The adolescent artist. A few years older than me, reasonably handsome, very keen, but a few issues. – 1. my eyes glazed over whenever he talked for more than five minutes, I couldn’t  2. Whenever we went out, he had always lost his wallet/had it stolen/lost his keycard 3. Everything bad that had befallen him was everybody else’s fault and that SHITS me and 4. Bedroom. Mattress. Floor…..errrrrrr…… too old for that….me AND him.

March – The environmentalist. Very fit, very earthy, built a carbon neutral house with his bare hands. Drove a carbon-neutral car. Blind in one eye from an altercation with an occy strap incurred while rigging up a car with sporting equipment for multi stage adventure races. We finally had a phone conversation and he told me about the evils of coffee “I KNOW WHAT’S IN THAT STUFF”. I politely rebutted. Nobody disses coffee in front of me. I did not expect to hear from him again. However he called a couple of days later, asking me out, saying he was impressed with my rebuttal of his anti-coffee arguments. We went on a few dates. He was very complimentary of me. He would sit and stare at me admiringly (which freaked me out no end). He wanted to show me his 7-star energy efficient house. He wanted to take me driving in his brother’s fuel guzzling convertible in the dandenongs – I declined on the basis that I get carsick (hey, it is the truth). It all just missed the mark, for me. Again – all good on paper, but was not going to go anywhere.

I started to get a bit sick of the dating game and considered hanging up the boots for a while. Then I got a contact, the widowed man with kids. Against my better judgement I replied in the affirmative. We dated, hit it off, and it was all looking quite hunky dory…. then…..this.


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