Monthly Archives: August 2012

A change of topic.

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Enough waxing lyrical and hinting about love…. It is but one part of my life.

Another part that I wish to work on is exercise. Fitness.

After the marathon, I had some post-achievement blues, I am sure my three faithful readers are familiar with them. There were a few other things going on at that time. I came home

Also, I was injured. I had a nerve root injury before the marathon, and 6:10:47 of running did a bit of damage. Unfortunately. I tried going back to running, but just got pain radiating into my buttock, hamstring and calf. I also got a bit of numbness in the side of my foot. Not good.

Frustrated, I went back to the sports doctor, saying “I wanna run”. He sent me to the physio, gave me some anti-inflammatories and mentioned the MRI/nerve root injection pathway.

I went, determined to run, but scared to.

The physio has been a bit more balanced about running, and has suggested a much more measured approach – 3 x 20 minute runs per week, to progress ONLY if no pain going below the buttock.

She also said that I should do some cross training. Gently, but she did.

I have come around to the fact that this might be a good idea, so I joined the gym.

As a student, it is cheap. The amount per fortnight is the price of a cheap-ish dinner out.

I went there with a bad attitude “I hate the gym, it is sweaty and crowded”. Before too long, I was bopping along on the elliptical, singing loudly to my iPod. 

Yoga, spin, Zumba classes….even a 30 minute core class! Wow! A new exercise world awaits.

While running yesterday, I got down on myself for being slow, for having put on weight. I then talked nicely to myself, saying “hey, you have done something huge, you have a neurological injury, you are doing well, just exercise, however you can!”.

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Roller coaster #2.

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Nowadays, the more that happens in my life, the less I say on my blog.

I had made a decision a few weeks ago, which I alluded to.

I wanted to stop longing for things I didn’t have, to instead take ownership of my life. To be content. To find joy in the simple things and to rejoice in what I do have.

To take notice of them.

To spend more time holding on to what matters, and letting go of what brings me down. I had given the internet dating a break, shut up shop.

And all of a sudden, great things have been happening, or perhaps they were always happening, but I have just been taking a bit more notice of them, increased their value.

My crazy Auntie June has been in hospital, in Granny Jail. She is demented. She has no family of her own. My sister has seen her decline recently, her memory failing. She has been taking care of Auntie, taking charge, and I have been driving my sister around to visit her.

It has bought my sister and I closer together. It is lovely, really nice to see the best in each other. We have spent some lovely times together, including some of her birthday celebrations.

My mum arranged a dinner for her and the family at Longrain – I was so proud of my mum for picking it and driving into the city. She has always been too anxious to drive inner-city, but she dealt with it recently. A thoroughly enjoyable night.

I have been approaching my studies with enthusiasm. I have entered a public speaking competition, 3 minute Thesis. And duly got Laryngitis. Sigh.

I have booked a trip to Cuba.

I have been seeing lots of my friends.

My romantic life, which I had written off as being a disaster zone put on the backburner for a while, has just become a little more interesting.

Experience has told me that I can’t rely on such things. That I mustn’t get my hopes up et cetera.

I don’t want to be cynical though. I want to enjoy it. I get so frightened that it will all be ripped away from me too early, without much in the way of warning.

It’s happened before, it has been my experience. Natural to be frightened.

For the first time, I have been able to express this fear. To put a name to the anxiety, and to say it out loud. I have become good at doing this.

Even though it doesn’t make the thing I fear any more or less likely to materialise, it certainly helps take its power away, so I can enjoy the moment more freely.

Rather than lowering my expectations, as I have been advised to do, I am concentrating on keeping my own house in order.

What was that song about life and rollercoasters and just gotta ride ’em?

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I hate cliches.

I hate them more when they ring true. It makes me cringe a little inside.

Last week, I decided to temporarily shut up the dating shop. It was all fucking with my head just a little bit. I wanted to concentrate on being my most awesome self, holding on to what is real, doing what I wanted to do.

I decided that I didn’t know how long my singlehood would last, and I had to enjoy it, make it meaningful in and of itself.

I sashayed out on Saturday and had  an awesome day in the city. I had a shopping list of things to buy in the city, which was:

  • Benefit “They’re real” mascara
  • nespresso coffee pods (for my new $90 nespresso compatible machine)
  • shampoo (not necessarily needing to be bought in the city, but still…)

I also can never resist a sashay into the Leona Edmiston area of Myer. I love her frocks, they are so pretty, they wear well, they wash well and I just feel a million dollars. I managed to snare 2 of the frocks for $180. A little shopping whoopsy, but enjoyable! I met a friend for brunch and explored some laneways on my own, which I always enjoy. I am very much a Melbourne girl.

I made plans for a trip to Cuba, going to the adventure travel agent. It is all exciting.

I have started yoga. Some Yin to all the Yang.

I made a resolution to do 3 runs in the upcoming week. I would love to re-join running squad. I am sick of being injured, and am finding the Olympics inspiring.

I make bedtime at night a time to look forward to, just snuggling up under my doona reading a good book. Away from everyone. Nobody can touch me then.

Anyway, you get the idea.

I had arranged to go to a meetup dinner at the Panama Dining Room. PDR is a great space, up a few flights of stairs. I enjoy the meetup crowd, they are friendly, fun people. An older mob, mostly in mid-late 40s. The plan was to have dinner and then kick on to the Night Cat.

aaaaaaannnnnd

I met someone.

I had the most wonderful night. And then another a couple of nights later.

It’s nice. And exciting. And unexpected.

But part of me is really, really scared……I have had so many ups and downs this past year. I just need an even keel.

Part of me is going “no, no, no, this was where it was all going to be about me…MEEEEE!” Yet it would seem foolish to throw the baby out with the bathwater.

Part of me is berating myself, thinking “this is what you wanted, right, why do you have to overthink it?”

Part of me is saying “here we go again…”

Lots of thoughts. My head spins.

Luckily though, I am not overwhelmed by them, or bogged down. More like standing on the outside of them, looking at them, bemused.

It’s ok to be scared. You’ve been through a lot. I say to them.

You are doing just fine. Be yourself. You are great. I say to them.

You will be fine, whatever happens. I say to them.

But all that stuff about finding your inner awesome and doing what you want to do and holding on to what is real – keep that up. That is important. No bugger can take that away from you. I say to them.

I am getting my hair done this evening, and looking especially forward to cuddling down in my bed afterwards as the weather has been shite today.

I have some nice things planned for the weekend.

I will keep going much as I was. All I have is now.