Taking responsibility, the neurosis void

It is funny, you know.

Everything is going swimmingly in my life.

Except that I have porked up a bit. That has filled the neurosis void.

And I gotta say – I forgive myself for porking up.

Hard months, travel, new romance, not being able to run…….not excuses, just what has happened.

I have gone (mostly) off the grog for 1 month. I found it hard, and got resentful.

The calm before the binge, right? Diet, binge, diet, binge….it is exhausting. I hate counting calories.

I am coming around to the fact that I have to be vigilant. I can’t eat or drink whatever I like. Most people can’t.

Preparation. Vigilance. Responsibility.

Droptober?

I’m here! I’m here! I’m not going.

Lots of things going on in my world. I have been meaning to post, but time has gotten away from me blah blah blah.

Things going on.

1. Boyfriend.

Yes. It’s official. And wonderful. And I am not (that) scared to talk about it for fear that it will go tits up.

I have heard it said that good relationships are easy. Relatively free of angst (had to separate my own baggage from what was actually happening, which was all good), red flags, tears, anxiety. The butterflies flap gently rather than make you sick.

That you can be yourself, slowly letting it all out, and having it accepted and indeed embraced. Feeling comfortable.

Wanting to do the best for and by the other person.

I wasn’t expecting this, but it seems to be.

And that is all I am saying about that.

2. Wine.

I’ve gone off it for the month, with a hiatus for a girls night out.

I am a bit scared, as I love wine, but I have gone too hard recently, in celebration and in commisseration. I need to give my liver a rest. It also makes me over-eat. I have a wine or two and think “oooh! dessert!”

So I have to think of other nice drinks to drink. I have in my fridge diet agrum, diet ginger ale and soda water.

I shall post on how it goes.

I am watching the food, too. I have eaten in comfort and celebration. It was all understandable but it needs to stop.

3. Exercise:

Gotta. My boyfriend runs. He runs slow to keep up with me.

4. Fun:

A trip to Lorne, done. A trip to the Queenscliff music festival in November. Gotye in December. Maybe some Clare Bowditch. More weekends away? A trip to Cuba pencilled in.

5. Money

Need to get some money paid back. Need to pull my finger out. Tax return. Salary packaging…. Scholarships…..

6. Reading.

I am finishing up Shantaram. I have bought the book “Gaysia” by Benjamin Law.