- I have another niggle in my back, this time my right upper back. Luckily the lower back agony has gone. I think I am carrying my stress in my muscles. I need a bloody good massage.
- I went for a run on the tready before work – am going pretty fast but only running for 20 min blocks. I have entered SIS1, so I will get a good run in. It is 8.5km. I am hoping for sub 54 mins….. My PB for 8km previously was 54 mins. I am really rapt that Andrew may be able to run with me….hope he won’t get bored at my slowness….
- My beautiful resident from Paraguay is back. I love her. She is really nice, and has her head screwed on well. She also bought back sweeties from Argentina (sounds like a good name for a Record or something).
- I am working this weekend. I am sick of work already and this is only day 2 of 12. I will be keeping early nights, and thinking of the cashola.
- at work, I don’t know whether to STFU or speak my mind (always diplomatically of course)….My psychologist lady has spoken to me about assertiveness and I am assertive but then I always get uncomfortable afterward……dammit, I just want everyone to like me, but I am coming to accept that this is impossible and I just have to be myself. (OMG that last bit sounded so neurotic).
- I am addicted to sweet chilli grain waves. They are yum.
- I am so happy that Kathryn is going to Japan – she will be there when I will be there and we can sing Karaoke together! Yay! Ian will be there to make sure we are not taken advantage of in our drunken state by Japanese businessmen.
Monthly Archives: August 2010
Another rant – valuable insights.
I like my new boss, but she is a bit exhausting. She has a very low threshold for getting her knickers in a twist.
EG today – new punter, just walked through the door, lying in bed, looking well.
Her: “Oh my God, this patient is in renal failure (in a non urgent way, FYI), I can’t believe they (the doctors at the other campus) didn’t pick this up” (They probably did but had the sense not to get their knickers in a knot.)
Me: “Don’t worry, I’ll sort it out.”
Her: “Oh but that is really bad and we don’t even know what is causing it”.
me: “I’ll sort it out”
Her (getting more agitated): “And we can’t even use any bisphosphonates or strontium, what are we gonna use? I mean we can use the injected form but then we have to speak to RENAL, oh my gawd….”
me: “I’ll sort it out” (texting my renal physician friend)
Her: “I really wish they wouldn’t send people over like this” (like what? Punter looks fiiiine!)
Me: “It’ll be ok, I’ll sort it out.”
Her – walks out of room, shaking her head.
Geriatrics is a lower-stress specialty, so it attracts people who like less stress (like me!) but it also attracts people who could not handle higher stress jobs (like her and the previous two bosses).
See, I feel that my precious adrenaline and cortisol should be used for situations where they are actually needed. Like when a punter is about to assault all the staff, or when they are going into multi-organ failure in front of you, or when they are exsanguinating (losing all their blood) or when their heart/lungs have actually stopped. (FYI I have been in all of these situations)
I wish people would just chill the fuck out. I hate fuss.
p.s. I sorted the punter out. Good and proper, after I ate my lunch. (empty bladder full tummy, not the other way around is how I like to operate, I wish my boss would get this and not run her rounds from 10 through till 2 is LUNCH a foreign concept jeeez)
Feel better 🙂
Weekend – discipline
Saturday – finding discipline to do hobbies
- went to the gym, did a 20 minute fastish run on tready. I am still getting over my niggles and also have a bout of sinusitis.
- then, went to drawing class in Fitzroy. I had been meaning to do this for some time, and made the time on Saturday. It was very enjoyable – we even had a nude model. The whole point of the class was to do many short drawings – so no long poses. The instructor, Ron, was a lovely gentleman who spoke like an artist. He commented on my drawings, saying that my “language was very primary” and he “liked my dialogue” and that my “drawing style was very physical”. I didn’t really know what he was talking about, but then he said “you are a great drawer”. Which was nice. He had us drawing with dominant hand, non-dominant hand, with both hands and with our eyes closed. Once I got into the spirit of things it was fun.
- Then I had a nap.
- Then I cooked dinner, a lovely lamb stew. We watched the movie Kick-ass, which we expected to be funny and a bit cutesy and only mildly violent. The only thing cutesy about it was the little girl, but she could shoot, swear, and wield a knife like all the rest of the big guys. It was very, very violent. This was probably one of the films that holds a mirror up to society (in particular, our desensitisation to violence, putting assaults up on youtube etc) and we are uncomfortable with what we see, so I did not think the violence was gratuitous as such. It did have some funny bits.
Sunday – consolidation.
- woke up with the mother of all sinus headaches – I took some yucky sinus med (sudafed – makes me ill and I take it only when I have to) and sucked it in.
- went to the gym – did a fastish 25 minutes – gradually getting stronger.
- then felt ill (damn sudafed) so had a nap.
- then went to taste of melbourne – lots of yummy little tastes ending up to a full tummy. I bought some spicy garlic seeded mustard (to clear out the painful sinuses) and hubby bought some nice grass-fed beefsteaks. I did partake of a glass of wine or two and the sinusitis and sudafed made me drunk very quickly.
- then a nap (love weekends).
- Then discovered coles online – we shall see how it goes.
A few things I have been doing lately (with/without hubby):
- Went to see Mary Poppins. I grew up with Mary Poppins. I love the music and goddamit, the song “Feed the birds (tuppence a bag)” makes me bubber, I find it so stirring. The stage show did not disappoint, Matt Lee and Verity Hunt-Ballard were fantastic. I loved the “supercali…” sequence and “Jolly Holiday”. Also some songs not on the movie. The other surprising thing is that I saw on the program that a member of the dance ensemble, the “dance captain”, went to my old school, was a few years ahead of me, and used to choreograph our Rock Eisteddfod pieces. She was a biatch. Still, she danced well….I suppose….
- Went to the Tim Burton exhibition – was really cool. I really want to get back into my doodlings. There is an art class that I would love to get to, to doodle on a regular basis.
- Random acts of kindness: I was at a shoe shop, there were a pair of shoes I liked at a mega markdown, was going to buy them but thought better of them and gave them to the other lady that wanted them. Why? Because it felt good. And saved me money.
- Internet shopping – I bought a cardie that I had my eyes on for aaages. (FYI the buying moratorium has been comprehensively broken).
- Eating cheap, good food – went to a restaurant called Tai Hoong in Williamstown today for lunch. It was yummy. Best chicken satay sticks ever.
- We will be going to the Taste of Melbourne festival this weekend. One word – yummm.
- Getting over my back injury (yay) and taking the dog for little runs around the block. She enjoys them, me, not so much at the moment. Hope to go for a run in the morning.
- Stretching. It feels good, when it doesn’t hurt.
You know what this one is gonna be about…..
I suppose one’s own individual politics are based on your own personal experiences.
Here is mine.
I grew up in Werribee, in the Seat of Lalor, then held by Barry Jones (the smartest man in Australia), now held by Jooolya.
I am the eldest daughter of a single mother, who divorced my father, a violent alcoholic, when I was 10. My Mum, a division 2 nurse, struggled with depression herself, and spent long periods off work. She was on a single parents pension during these times, and it was very difficult to make ends meet. Our home was part-owned by the housing commission, as Mum had to pay out Dad his part of the mortgage (Dad, God rest him, was an arsehole). Mum had to fight tooth and nail for everything, for us kids. I learned very early on to take nothing for granted.
Some of mum’s friends were gay, although I didn’t really understand what homosexuality was at the time. They were just normal, nice blokes who lived together and struggled, like my mum, with not having much money.
I went to the local public school, lots of kids of lower socio-economic status, a few of lower middle class. Not many kids travelled overseas, played music or went skiing in the winter. I only knew kids did this when I went to Uni and saw how the other half lived (and developed a chip on my shoulder). I learned about bullies there. I learned how to stand up for myself. I also learned that there were some very devoted teachers there, who saw and nurtured my potential. So did my mum.
In grade 5 we learned about the greenhouse effect and that we had to cut down chlorofluorocarbon use to help the ozone layer repair. Even at age 10, us kids understood that our actions as a society could have catastrophic effects on the environment.
One of my friends was from Vietnam, a person who came over in a leaky boat in the 1980s chased by the Viet Cong. He was very clever. During his schooling, he helped his parents sew clothes – his parents were outworkers paid a pittance to make clothes that big chain stores sell at a massive mark-up. He is now a doctor, his sister a dentist, and his parents no longer have to sew clothes.
In year 12, I exceeded my own expectations and fair-and-square got the score to get into medicine (requiring a TER of >99%). This was against many other private school kids who played music, went skiiing and had the money to pay university students to do their assignments (CATs) for them. I only learned about the cheating rife in an unequal education system well into my degree. The assignment system is now less amenable to cheating.
I did my 6 year medical degree, where I met my wonderful Husband, who also hails from Werribee (born in the UK) and shares many of my political views. I had to support myself during the final 3 years – for a few reasons, I was not able to live at home. I was lucky – I had very cheap rent. With the Austudy, plus a few shifts of work, I was able to pay my own way.
I won a Scholarship to uni for the first four years – universities were putting their HECS fees up and this was a sweetener of sorts. I nearly did not apply for the scholarship, as I did not think I would get it. It was lucky I did, because my mum would not have been able to cough up for the textbooks.
I graduated in 2002 and did internship in 2003. My first paycheck was $3000 (gross) for the fortnight – I had worked the weekend. This was literally 10 times my Austudy cheque! It was life changing.
Fast forward 8 years.
I consider myself advantaged, educated, wealthy and in a position of power. A basic belief that drives a lot of what I do is that the strong and powerful should look after the vulnerable. I feel this to my core, and I get irrationally angry when I see this being breached. This is what guides my politics.
I just cannot understand why gays are discriminated against. Why single mothers on pensions are vilified on Today Tonight and welfare payments tightened. Why we would not act anything but compassionately towards refugees. Why equitable access to education and health should not be a major priority. And if 10 year olds can understand how human actions cause climate change, why can’t Tony Abbott or Steve Fielding?
Access to things like free education and Medicare were hard fought for and can insidiously slip away – we cannot take these things for granted.
You have probably guessed who I voted for (it was not Labor or Liberal)
Anyhow, I had better step off my soapbox now. I just felt the need to put that out there.
I went for a run with the dog today, the first one since my back injury last week. I think I did quite well – I laid off when the back started hurting which was about 25 minutes. The dog had a great time and only nearly tripped me up a few times. When I had a lie down on a bench for a butt stretch, the dog got onto the bench to keep a look out.
I bought a pair of Jeans today – the new Levi Curve Code ones. They are the ducks nuts. They are nipped in at the waist and generous in the thighs – just like me. I even went down a size in these jeans!
I am going to sell some stuff on ebay, as inspired by Kathryn.
I have been booking all of our accommodation for Japan. So excited. I have long been fascinated by Japan, after doing a project on the country in grade 6.
Anyway, I am going to go to bed – my goals for this week is to get early nights (before 1030), not pissfart about on the internet too much and not drink alcohol during the week – I overdid it a bit last night – drowning Tony-related sorrows.
Some sayings that have truth.
1. No good deed goes unpunished. (referring to multiple episodes at work)
2. Nothing ventured, nothing gained (helps me in everything I do)
3. Be who you are and say what you feel, because the people who mind don’t matter and the people who matter don’t mind. (I often feel the need to “vet” myself, but at the end of the day I need to just “be” myself.)
4. There are three sides to every story – your side, their side and the truth. (Something I remind myself when I get all hoity about something)
5. Just because you’re not paranoid, doesn’t mean people aren’t out to get you. (Self-explanatory.)
6. You win some, you lose some.
What gets you by?
After having faced some criticism from the 2 bitchy bosses, to my supervisor (Besmirched!) I felt it necessary to go to the big boss. It is a vulnerable time for me at work as I go into the market for a senior position and I felt I needed somebody in my corner.
The big boss was really good – long story short, he said that he wanted to give me a job next year if he has one. This makes me feel better.
I lost a bid on Ebay for an anthropologie cardie. Which is a good thing because there are nice red and white stripy ones in sussan at a lower price.
fish and chip night yay.
I just feel the need to rant. If you do not want to read vitriol, turn away now.
You are clearly insecure in your own jobs and need to make others miserable.
You are both nitpicky, obsessional creatures who do not tolerate any difficulty, diversion or disagreement. You insist everyone does what you say without heed to the limitations others face. You clearly feel that unless an idea comes from you, it is ludicrous, unsafe, underthought or otherwise lacks merit, and you point this out aggressively, often in front of others. You do not understand why people might get annoyed with this.
You feel the need to task manage every little inkling of the jobs of your juniors and become exasperated if they cannot live up to your sky high standards. You then complain that the junior is incapable to their seniors, under the guise of being “concerned that something else may be going on”. Despite being unable and unwilling to delegate, you constantly complain about how busy you are.
You have too much time on your hands, and desperately need to get a fricking life.
You can kiss my fat arse.
Flat out like a lizard drinking – literally.
This post is coming to you from my couch under the influence of Valium, therefore I cannot take full responsibility for any incoherence.
I went to the physio last night to get my pins sorted out for running. Apart from my VMO (vastus medialis obliquus, the muscle on the inside of your kneecap that bulges in cyclists), he said that my muscles were strong, but not co-ordinating as effectively as they could be. Plus he said I had very tight quads and hip flexors. I was very happy to know that I am not weak. Yay. He prescribed me some stretches and strengthening exercises, which I dutifully performed this morning while my coffee was brewing.
Just as I was setting off to work, I bent over to pick up my handback (whoops handbag, dang valium), and something in my back went ping and I yelped. Because Tuesday is an important day at work (case conference, ward round) I gulped some voltaren and got in my car. During the long drive to Williamstown, my pain got worse. I had to get some petrol on the way to work and even the dude at the register told me that I looked like I was in some pain. I called up my resident and told him that I would be late and possibly only there for half a day.
I got out of my car and started crying from the pain. Then I thought “this is ridiculous, I can’t have people seeing me like this and besides, I have done trailwalker”. I waddled like a duck into work and the nurse in charge of my ward said to me, “Christ, you look a mess” to which I replied “I need some drugs, I think I need to go to casualty”.
Willi hospital runs a small casualty so I did not feel so bad going – most of the big heart attacks and road trauma etc goes to the bigger hospitals. I made sure the nurse in charge of my ward accompanied me to casualty, nurses can usually get their way better with other nurses. She made sure I was triaged and in a cubicle quickly. I was seen by the doc who gave me a couple of days off and some valium (Panadiene forte makes me chuck and I told him that I just wanted to sleep it off). Valium is best for muscle spasm anyway.
I got my lovely hubby to pick me up from willi – it is his education day today so not too much fuss if he misses it. He took care of me and put me into bed and was generally nice and sympathetic.
I have had a big snooze and am now still a bit groggy and in a bit of pain. Hopefully it gets better soon but I don’t think I will be running for a little while. I will get back into the swimming soon though (maybe tomorrow if I can) – I just remember the “Norm” ad from years ago that warned against sitting around with back pain, and the best recovery is an active one. It is a good thing I downgraded my half marathon!
Oooh, and happy 2nd birthday to my blog! Yay! Have a cupcake for me in celebration.
Stuff I like: a Motley Crew
1. Mad Men:
Love that show. I had heard it was good, then I downloaded it on TV duck last night. At first, I found it quite uncomfortable viewing, with the blatant racism and sexism. Later in the episode, I was hooked. LOVED it, very clever, addictive viewing
2. Christina Hendricks
Strictly speaking, she is not stuff, she is a human. And what a divine one at that. She plays Joan, the voluptuous (and possibly slightly promiscuous) secretary on Mad Men. She has recently been named one of the sexiest women of the year by Maxim magazine and also she has been named a top ambassador for positive body image. I am all keen to get my pencil skirts and waist belts and turtlenecks happening. And the next thing:
3. Red lippy
The brand is called Chi Chi and the name is Boy Magnet. I love it. It makes me feel all rockstarry and sultry.
4. My skin
My skin is looking good at the moment – good food, good exercise, happy thoughts and cheapo olay moisturiser. I was stealthily comparing my complexion with my girlfriends when we were out to lunch yesterday. Mine was best. Yay.
5. Dates, with or without a blob of almond butter in the middle
This is going to be my new sweetie fix. Yummy and nutritious to boot
Chimi-whatti, you ask? This is a salsa made of parsley, vinegar, chilli, oil and garlic. It is South American and used as a sauce for steak. I love the acid/hot/garlicky taste. Though I don’t love the resulting halitosis. We went out to dinner at El Gaucho last night, where mucho chimichurri was consumed. Also I had lots of dulce de leche (caramel), which is to my eating habits what kryptonite is to Superman. I was bloated big time. D’oh.
7. The Dog, all shiny
She does not like baths. But she got one. I love how she runs and hides behind me when Ian is trying to wrangle her for a bath. But her coat is lovely and shiny and she lacks the pungent canine aroma that she was having.
8. Home made baked beans
I have just made some. They are in the oven. Far superior to the tinned variety.
9. Internet window shopping / Ebay
It is just too cold to go out at the moment but I can look at all the stuff I want on the internet, a relaxing but monumentally time wasting activity. I blame…
10. Frocks and Frou Frou girl
I am addicted to her blog. She has got me stalking couture.
11. MOR Fin de Seicle body butter
Hubby bought this for me for my birthday. I have only just cracked it open. It smells aaaamazing, and moisturises my scaly legs very well
To quote Julia..
Moving forward.. (though not with the nasal twang).
I have been doing really well with the psychologist. Most of the more unhealthy parts of my eating, such as the binges till I am sick or the compulsive eating till things are finished are gone. Here are some examples:
- I have been able to leave a freddo mostly uneaten in the fridge overnight.
- I have been able to eat half of something and leave the other half – cases in point – the chocolate ecstasy icecream at the movies (Inception – overrated), the salt and vinegar chips.
- I have stopped eating when I am not hungry – the weekly episodes of overeating until unwell have been absent for the last couple of months.
- I am getting better at eating before ravenous hunger sets in
- I have not submitted as much to emotional eating -case in point – shunning the fish and chips after the nasty encounter with the bosses and just letting myself feel the pain.
- I have mostly been limiting myself to 2 wines when I go out.
I have gained confidence around food. I can say no, I can say that’s enough. And I have done well, because most of it has been done in the setting of having a shitty time at work. So credit where credit is due. (Sassy pats own back)
Weight wise, I have not weighed myself in a couple of weeks, I think I am slightly smaller in the top half, which is where the weight comes off first. Indeed, some of my tops fit slightly better. I am a bit scared to weigh myself.
I am increasing in my acceptance of myself, but I would, as always, like to see my weight fall gently down like a feather dropping slowly in the breeze. Yet the thought of going on a diet, any form of denial, fills me with dread. Why? Because it is not the way I want to live my life. I love food. I am coming to respect it rather than abuse it.
So a few little things I would like to do are (note the positive language, no should, no don’t):
- Cut back on the butter. I eat a little too much. Keeping it to with its soulmate which is green leafy vegies.
- Avoid the crappy biscuits at work. They are empty calories and really just not all that enjoyable. If I am really, really feeling like something sweet, I will make it count by having something nice, like a chocolate, and really savouring it rather than gobbling it up.
- Making sure I have a substantial healthy morning snack, some ideas are carrots with hommus (thanks em), home made bircher muesli (can’t always face yoghurt alone but can with oats and raspberries), apple with almond butter, bread with peanut butter/jam (half sandwich) – add any other ideas here!
- Continuing to have a good lunch (another pat on back), but adding a good hit of protein to it, my energy is much better.
- Lighter snack for arvo tea
- Trying to get some exercise in most days, even if it is only 20 minutes. I am working in Williamstown, so I can go for a run along the beach after work. The problem with exercising before work is that I am much more hungry throughout the day.
- Trying to have 1-2 alcohol free days per week and enjoying the small glass of wine with dinner the other weeknights. I love wine and the idea of going wine free all week is a little much to bear (and, of course, makes me more likely to binge)
- If I feel tired, which is commonplace- taking 2 minutes for a stretch and a herbal tea rather than eating biscuits at the computer at work and putting crumbs on it and just making myself more flat.
- Trying to switch over to sweet potato and pumpkin at dinner, or mixing this with the spuds, and keeping the pasta and rice to a couple of times a week. I really am partial to a spud but they are probably better enjoyed at lunchtime.
I have come off my antidepressant tablets now, after a prolonged wean. I am getting a lot of withdrawal symptoms – achy muscles, nausea, dizziness, but I am being gentle on myself and it will pass.