Why I like the pool and hate Miss Universe.


I have been a member of the Gym at Brunswick on and off for about 5 years.

I have been to the indoor pool there more in the last few weeks than I have in the previous four and a bit years. I got the pool bug in Noosa on the conference. Why the indoor pool? Because a. it is warm and I am a wuss in the cold, and b. It warms my heart to see the oldies doing exercise.

Now, the reasons I have for taking up swimming are thus:

  • It is warm in there. Wonderfully warm, when it is horribly cold outside.
  • It doesn’t feel like exercise.
  • I get some good thinking done.
  • The sound of water gurgling in my ear-holes is relaxing.
  • I like backstroke; I like any exercise that you can do lying on your back (minds out of the gutter people)
  • Any little aches, pains or niggles dissolve into the water, so that it is not so much exercise as analgesia.
  • I don’t even mind “nuding up” in the change room. I don’t especially like it (am not an exhibitionist before too many glasses of wine), but I don’t go to great lengths to cover my rude bits because nobody else does! Most people even give you a coquettish smile when they are nuded up.
  • The best bit is the SPA afterwards. SPAAAAAAAHHHH.

What I don’t like about it:

  • Finding stray bandaids in the pool. Gross.
  • I get all paranoid that my shoes will be stolen, yet never seem to put them in the locker. Everyone else leaves their shoes out.
  • The smell of chlorine (though vaguely addictive)
  • Stepping into warm water makes me wanna go piddle (which I always go to the TOILET to do, thankyou very much).


My rant for the day is about Miss Universe Australia. What is wrong with her, you ask?


  • Her name is Jesinta. Jesinta!! Her bogan parents can’t spell Jacinta. Bogan parents usually own bogan children. I know the bogan is lurking in there somewhere, doesn’t matter how well you tan it and clothe it in a designer frock. Hell, if she were wearing fake Burberry and moccies she would be a damn sight more likeable.
  • She looks exactly like every other freaking Miss Universe Australia: that is, anglo-saxon, tanned, Long blonde hair(shade differing from caramel to barbie), white toothed, thin. Why can’t we have a Nigella Lawson type to buck the trend? Jana Wendt? Lee-Lin Chin? (now THERE’s a stunner).
  • She is 18 and super-confident. This equates to cocky and precocious in my book. What do you know at 18? Unless, that is, you spent your childhood in War-Torn Sudan and spent 9 months in a leaky boat to get over here. Give me one of those girls. She might actually have something good to say about “world peace” and “women’s rights”. What has Miss-poorly-spelled-Jacinta done for society? Sweet bloody diddly.
  • And being 18, I would feel very funny about any bloke I know ogling her. That is barely legal.

6 responses »

  1. I love swimming laps but I don’t like going home with wet hair on these cold days. I WILL NOT wear a swimming cap. I used to do swim 100 laps of the pool – 2.5km (they have a boom which converts the 50m pool into 2x25m pools). I stopped swimming as it gets so busy and I hate bumping into people when swimming laps.

  2. Oops. That comment about swimming was from me. I hadn’t logged in. Transport Bar after Run Melb sounds like a plan. You still chasing 60 minutes for the 10k or are you just gonna run it and see?

  3. Transport after Run Melbourne is definitely a plan girls! See ya there!

    I love the sauna and the steam room too after a swim.

    I find myself sniffing my skin all day when I’ve been swimming, I love the smell of chlorine.

  4. I don’t get miss universe at all. How can it be miss universe? there are no other planets involved.

    I’m so not a swimmer – I do one lap and then I’m like “haven’t I done enough!” Backstroke is awesome but I freak about hitting my head on the end of the pool 🙂

  5. I love backstroke too- I think it is my fastest! My mate Nigel had a lot of interaction with the Miss Australia girls because his hair salon supplied the stylists- he assured me that they are all doing law degrees. I am not sure how you can be quite smart, but quite into the exploitation of women at the same time.

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