I hate cliches.
I hate them more when they ring true. It makes me cringe a little inside.
Last week, I decided to temporarily shut up the dating shop. It was all fucking with my head just a little bit. I wanted to concentrate on being my most awesome self, holding on to what is real, doing what I wanted to do.
I decided that I didn’t know how long my singlehood would last, and I had to enjoy it, make it meaningful in and of itself.
I sashayed out on Saturday and had an awesome day in the city. I had a shopping list of things to buy in the city, which was:
- Benefit “They’re real” mascara
- nespresso coffee pods (for my new $90 nespresso compatible machine)
- shampoo (not necessarily needing to be bought in the city, but still…)
I also can never resist a sashay into the Leona Edmiston area of Myer. I love her frocks, they are so pretty, they wear well, they wash well and I just feel a million dollars. I managed to snare 2 of the frocks for $180. A little shopping whoopsy, but enjoyable! I met a friend for brunch and explored some laneways on my own, which I always enjoy. I am very much a Melbourne girl.
I made plans for a trip to Cuba, going to the adventure travel agent. It is all exciting.
I have started yoga. Some Yin to all the Yang.
I made a resolution to do 3 runs in the upcoming week. I would love to re-join running squad. I am sick of being injured, and am finding the Olympics inspiring.
I make bedtime at night a time to look forward to, just snuggling up under my doona reading a good book. Away from everyone. Nobody can touch me then.
Anyway, you get the idea.
I had arranged to go to a meetup dinner at the Panama Dining Room. PDR is a great space, up a few flights of stairs. I enjoy the meetup crowd, they are friendly, fun people. An older mob, mostly in mid-late 40s. The plan was to have dinner and then kick on to the Night Cat.
I met someone.
I had the most wonderful night. And then another a couple of nights later.
It’s nice. And exciting. And unexpected.
But part of me is really, really scared……I have had so many ups and downs this past year. I just need an even keel.
Part of me is going “no, no, no, this was where it was all going to be about me…MEEEEE!” Yet it would seem foolish to throw the baby out with the bathwater.
Part of me is berating myself, thinking “this is what you wanted, right, why do you have to overthink it?”
Part of me is saying “here we go again…”
Lots of thoughts. My head spins.
Luckily though, I am not overwhelmed by them, or bogged down. More like standing on the outside of them, looking at them, bemused.
It’s ok to be scared. You’ve been through a lot. I say to them.
You are doing just fine. Be yourself. You are great. I say to them.
You will be fine, whatever happens. I say to them.
But all that stuff about finding your inner awesome and doing what you want to do and holding on to what is real – keep that up. That is important. No bugger can take that away from you. I say to them.
I am getting my hair done this evening, and looking especially forward to cuddling down in my bed afterwards as the weather has been shite today.
I have some nice things planned for the weekend.
I will keep going much as I was. All I have is now.