I always hated phrases like “you have to learn to love yourself before you can love anyone else”.
Always from a person who seems to be in a secure relationship.
A bit patronising, too. And fake.
And what the fuck does loving yourself actually mean, hmm?
But I have struggled with this very thing. It is only recently that I have appreciated how low my self esteem actually was. Is. Can be.
Especially when things just don’t feel right. When I feel lonely, half way across the world. When the phone just won’t ring. Nobody to say “hey, how ya travelling?” [when I am shitfaced and in a maudlin mood]
All those black doggy thoughts that I was alluding to in the last post (and they don’t need labouring) become overwhelming.
It is easy to fall into that hole.
And it is precisely that time where the little nub of self esteem must roar “NO. YOU ARE WORTHY”
That’s love. Picking yourself up when you are down at your lowest.
Giving yourself a break.
Forgiving yourself your mistakes.
Not taking on board all the shit that people say, or do (or don’t do).
It’s easy to do this when things are all very hunky dory, and there is external validation. And it isn’t even that important then.
It really does help to appreciate the little lumps of gold you get from others though. Those people who lift you up, without meaning to.