That line, “not so happy, yet much happier”…..I learned it in year 10. It is from Shakespeare’s Macbeth. The 3 witches are talking to Macbeth, about Banquo.
I finally get what it means.
Because prior to 14 or so months ago, I had it all. Career, husband, house, money.
Was I happy? No, not really. I felt so guilty about it.
This past year has been the most difficult of my life, for sure. The tip of the iceberg is in the blog.
I have had to face up to most of the things that have ever annoyed, bothered or frightened me. I have had to take a good long hard look at myself and my life. I have shown my most authentic self to those around me. Some didn’t react well, but some loved me all the more.
I have had to have a good hard think about what is important to me, what a relationship means to me, what things to hold on to and what to let go of.
I have gone completely beyond my comfort zone, physically and mentally. I have learned to find pleasure in the small things.
Most importantly, I have got to know myself, learned to be true to myself and accepted and embraced it.
I am doing fine. Not perfect, but fine.
In many ways, I can say I am the happiest I have ever been. Frightened, insecure, lonely and sad at times, but I am learning to deal with these things on my own.
Demons, dancing, doctorates, debauchery. 