ohdearohdearohdear

Firstly, my marathon photos are up on facebook – have a peek!

I got broken up with over the email. On a Saturday night.

[loaded sigh]

Part of me is relieved; I don’t like uncertainty. I think you all know what the other parts are. Yet, I have not prostrated myself. I have not been perfect, but I have been ok (notwithstanding oversleeping this morning and missing an 8:30am appointment).

Yesterday was mother’s day. I heard the faint tick of my biological clock. Fuck you, biological clock.

I am getting used to bouncing back from a blow; have had a lot of experience in this in the past 12 or so months. I feel sometimes like I am flinging myself against an immovable and hard object, and I feel quite crushed and defeated at times. That’s quite an unemotional way of saying it.

He acted like a complete douchebag. I had misgivings, showed him the benefit of the doubt, and he shat all over it. I got the product of his horrible life experiences and I didn’t deserve it and I have to deal with it.

I said a few things to him, but didn’t get mean or personal. That won’t make me feel better. I have separated my ego, which has taken a great sucker punch, from my self-esteem, which I will try and keep unassailed.

That is factoid no. 1.

I could wax all this shit about things happening for a reason et bloody cetera.

But what I need to remember is:

• It was not my fault. It was him (cold comfort at the moment, but still)
• I am probably not doomed (by mathematical likelihood)
• I am clever, fuck yeah.
• My hair looks fucking fabulous (thankyou, talented gay hairdresser)
• I have good friends (my gorgeous friend Yana bought me flowers last night. Love her. I just need to put up the flag and the friends are there. Love my friends)
• People probably don’t suck (it is important that I try and hold on to that, I don’t want to be all bitter and shit)
• I’m gonna be ok and this will pass.
• Someday, that Guy Sebastian song will get out of my head. Fuck you, Guy Sebastian. (Shakes fist)

Did I tell you I ran a marathon?