For Posterity.

  • I am scared of rejection
  • I am even scareder of ambivalence, or having to wait.
  • To both, I wail, bare my teeth, and bound away like a wounded animal.
  • Feeling like a wounded animal is fine, but instead of taking a swipe (like a tiger), I should just roll up into a ball (like an echidna) until I no longer feel like that (or at least 24 hours). Echidna, not tiger.
  • I need to find a happy medium between cool cucumber and crazy bitch that is Authentically Me (TM) and will allow me to be happy and comfortable.
  • GBFs (Gay Boy Friends) are great mandatory
  • Wearing red lippy makes any given thing 10% better than without said lippy.
  • Running makes me feel happy
  • I feel far too much guilt and shame.
  • A good outfit makes me feel happy. Killer heels, too, so long as I can walk in them.
  • Singing loudly to a favourite song makes me happy
  • I am not impervious, do not want to be impervious.
  • I seem to be spending a lot of time crying/frightened/shitting myself/sad/sweaty/chafed. It sucks. But it is making me grow.
  • The last 6 (give or take but probably give) men who I have kissed have all said I am a good kisser. I shall carry that around like my cheeky little secret. That, and certain….ahem….grooming I have.
  • When in doubt, give hugs and act kindly.
  • I don’t need to impress people. I just need to engage them.
  • I love seeing the changes in my body from running. I love looking at myself in the mirror in my underwear and saying “Well, hellooooo, stranger.”
  • I love admiring my legs. I always had a complex about my legs, thinking they were too short and stubby. Now, I say, “legs, you girls are awesome”.
  • I love breaking out into song. People don’t seem to mind.
  • I don’t need shoes or outfits. I probably need some more accessories. I need to go to the art gallery, see the muppets and save for my o/s trips.
  • Even though I feel lonely, I kinda like not having my housemate around. I can put whatever I want in the dishwasher (as long as it doesn’t break) and shower with the door open. While singing loudly.
  • No joy without sadness. No love without risk.

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