For Posterity.

• I am scared of rejection
• I am even scareder of ambivalence, or having to wait.
• To both, I wail, bare my teeth, and bound away like a wounded animal.
• Feeling like a wounded animal is fine, but instead of taking a swipe (like a tiger), I should just roll up into a ball (like an echidna) until I no longer feel like that (or at least 24 hours). Echidna, not tiger.
• I need to find a happy medium between cool cucumber and crazy bitch that is Authentically Me (TM) and will allow me to be happy and comfortable.
• GBFs (Gay Boy Friends) are great mandatory
• Wearing red lippy makes any given thing 10% better than without said lippy.
• Running makes me feel happy
• I feel far too much guilt and shame.
• A good outfit makes me feel happy. Killer heels, too, so long as I can walk in them.
• Singing loudly to a favourite song makes me happy
• I am not impervious, do not want to be impervious.
• I seem to be spending a lot of time crying/frightened/shitting myself/sad/sweaty/chafed. It sucks. But it is making me grow.
• The last 6 (give or take but probably give) men who I have kissed have all said I am a good kisser. I shall carry that around like my cheeky little secret. That, and certain….ahem….grooming I have.
• When in doubt, give hugs and act kindly.
• I don’t need to impress people. I just need to engage them.
• I love seeing the changes in my body from running. I love looking at myself in the mirror in my underwear and saying “Well, hellooooo, stranger.”
• I love admiring my legs. I always had a complex about my legs, thinking they were too short and stubby. Now, I say, “legs, you girls are awesome”.
• I love breaking out into song. People don’t seem to mind.
• I don’t need shoes or outfits. I probably need some more accessories. I need to go to the art gallery, see the muppets and save for my o/s trips.
• Even though I feel lonely, I kinda like not having my housemate around. I can put whatever I want in the dishwasher (as long as it doesn’t break) and shower with the door open. While singing loudly.
• No joy without sadness. No love without risk.

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