I have been a bit slackola.
Slowly, things are being unpacked into my new house.
Slowly, I am picking up my distance. I am booked into marathon training. I tried to do a long run today, but only managed about 7km (note to self- do not eat thai the night before attempting a run).
I am doing lots of social things. I have joined some social groups around town. We are lucky in Melbourne to have lots of things to do and friends to make. I have joined a dinner club.
I am enjoying my new neighbourhood immensely.
I have what is probably my first trial patient.
Things are starting to come together. I have felt on an even keel this past week. Much to be proud of.
And yet, I went out tonight.
Little things have been accumulating. Things that remind me of things. A little pain in the heart. They accumulate, particularly under the influence of alcohol.
Then, all the fear, all the regret, all the guilt, all the sadness, all the anger and all the frustration floods out. It threatens to overwhelm me.
So long as it is an appropriate time (9pm at home while alone is ok), I let all the feelings wash over me. I get sad. I feel like I am about to break into two and spill blood and guts everywhere.
So I have a good, hard old cry, acknowledge the extent of the feelings, and then, sleep.
Because sometimes, we can function as well as what we like in adversity, but there are times when we can become overwhelmed. It is important to acknowledge that, rather than run away. It helps me to move forward. To commence the new day afresh, hopeful, inspired.