I give in.


This week has been a bit of a struggle. I’ve got through, but it’s been tough.
I know what it is.
It is not acopia. (I’m coping)
It is not ungratefulness (I am grateful).
It is not being negative (I know my strengths).
It is not being weak (I am strong)

I have a big, fat sad.
The sad is a big blob. Sadness, with regret, guilt, loneliness and fear. It has a black dog on a leash with it too. The blob gets bigger and the dog growls in certain locations (certain thoughts and locations will bring things back acutely)
COMPLETELY understandable, given the circumstances.

It is very, very tempting to run from it. Indeed, I have tried to give it the slip, on a number of occasions.

What I need to do, though, is sit it down and say “look, I don’t like you, and you don’t like me, but we need to learn to live together.”

I need to hold it’s hand and walk it forward. Take it out to a movie #(which I did, yesterday) and to the Taco Truck* (which I did tonight)

#Joined a meetup group and went to a movie in the city after work.
*The taco truck was awesome. It stops around Brunswick and Northcote of a Thursday night. You order fresh tacos and sit on a lawn. I bought Candy, and she and I made some friends.

I may even have to gazette some appropriate time to curl up in a ball, stay in pyjamas and read trashy novels all day. I dare say it might even save further freakouts.
I still miss NBS.

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