Andrew hit it right on the head.
I was looking through my past blog posts. Mainly consumed with the following:
- what I had eaten
- how guilty I felt about it
- that I was never, ever going to do it again
- then, about how I did it all again
- the exercise – not always done with enjoyment, but with the idea of flogging all of the excess calories out of myself
- the shit I bought
I am not relying on any of these things at the moment, and it is empowering.
Some of the stuff more recently was a bit more authentic – the depression stuff etc.
What I write now is written with difficulty, with thought. It is a tiny fraction of what is actually going through my head, and the much less dark and frightening parts.
I write the more affirming thoughts.
It might be dark and uncomfortable, but it is authentic and therapeutic, just to get a tiny bit out there into the ether. I am very lucky to have friends that I can share some of the darker stuff with, so I don’t feel so alone.
Some of my running/internet buddies have reached through the ether into the mobile phone/email space, which is great. They know who they are 🙂
My family have come around slightly, but I cannot rely on them. While this is not preferable, it is ok. I can rely on myself.
P.S. I have kept up my running, and will be doing the run melbourne 10km. I hope to see some of you there!