If – Rebooted


This poem has taken on particular meaning now.

So I will re-boot it.

If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you;
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or, being lied about, don’t deal in lies,
Or, being hated, don’t give way to hating,
And yet don’t look too good, nor talk too wise;

If you can dream – and not make dreams your master;
If you can think – and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with triumph and disaster
And treat those two imposters just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you’ve spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to broken,
And stoop and build ‘em up with wornout tools;

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breath a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: “Hold on”;

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with kings – nor lose the common touch;
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you;
If all men count with you, but none too much;
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds’ worth of distance run –
Yours is the Earth and everything that’s in it,
And – which is more – you’ll be a Man my son!

It is a tough, tough time now. I am staying with a friend.

My mother and sister have given me a particularly hard time. A year ago this would have beaten me into submission. Now I am drawing on my own strength and that of my friends, and I am having a hiatus from speaking to my mum and sis.

When it comes down to it, though, I have realised one thing.

To feel lonely and frightened without a partner is one thing. To feel lonely and frightened while married is another.

I am ok, though. I am like a tea bag – it is only in hot water that I realise how strong I am.

3 responses »

  1. You need to do this for yourself and no one else. For what it’s worth I think you’re incredibly brave and courageous to take the right steps for you. Take care.

  2. I never quite know where to reply, but yes I am in Melbourne (west-side) and given I’m not working at the moment am usually free for coffee, walking, running (slowly only) etc. More than happy to provide distraction. Feel free to get in touch witnesstothefitness (at) gmail (dot) com

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