The past 10 or so weeks.

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The past week or so, I have been feeling great. Let me expand:

  • I feel fit
  • I can wake up at 6 am, look forward to the day and not usually have to nap. I sleep well without need for drugs.
  • I can feel the body-armour evolving underneath the curves
  • I do not feel fat
  • I can concentrate (even if it is on doing trifly stuff like facebooking
  • I am full of jokes (admittedly, most of them bad, but people get a laugh)
  • I can string a sentence together. In fact, I can string many sentences together – many of them technically difficult (having wrote a grant and ethics submission)
  • I am excited and hopeful for the future.
  • Things shit me but it does not affect my mood terribly much.

I was reading through my blogs from January (not that long ago). For contrast:

  • I could not get out of bed until 8am, earliest, and even that was a struggle. I could only get to sleep with drugs
  • No jokes. Struggle to get out sentences. Thoughts slow
  • I felt fat and slow and sluggish.
  • I was frightened of the future and did not want to think of it.
  • Things would send me into a complete torpor.

What I get from this:

  • depression is really, really debilitating.
  • The biological symptoms are real – the slowness, the tiredness, the anxiety, the general fug.
  • The drugs work
  • So does the therapy
  • So does taking life by both horns. But I could only do that once I had some traction from the drugs.
  • I have improved remarkably in a relatively short space of time.
  • Mental health is just really fucking important and I appreciate mine now, as always.

Happy weekend, groupies!

 

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5 responses »

  1. Congrats on finding the right drugs to get you traction! I get so angry when people say things like, “You should just get out and act happy – then you’ll feel better” or “Have you tried exercise? mediation? etc. ” or something equally insipid. Drugs can be a great way to move yourself into a place where you can actually try to do the other things that help. And the biological symptoms really do make it damn near impossible without some assistance.

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