I had my job interview today – I settled on the Leona Edmiston dress that I don’t think is particularly flattering on me, but I always get compliments on it. It was fine. I will find out next week.
After the interview, I felt flat, anxious, bereft, flat. I wanted to eat a donut, but got the salads for lunch. I sat with the feeling, knowing it is just part of my state of mind at the moment. It was hard, but I survived it.
I went to work, no offsider to help me, work piling up. I felt flat, anxious and bereft, and wanted chocolate. I sat with it, and got on with it. It passed. (I did end up having a mini-cherry ripe from the fundraising box at about 5pm because I was hungry and headachey, that had the least calories of all the things I could find).
I went home, felt flat and tired, unable to get off the couch. Ian offered to get fish and chips, but it was closed. I got up, sorted out the dishes, and reheated some leftover spaghetti bolognese. I felt better for the effort. I felt better for the fact that I got up and did something and ate something decent. I had fun dangling bits of leftover spaghetti in front of the dog, watching her nip at it. I felt better.
I have been doing things despite an at times overwhelming urge to sit on the couch or go to bed. Mostly, I get up and do something, and I feel better for it.
I feared getting bored, doing 3 laps of prinny, but I did that.
I did a challenging workout at the gym this morning (only short, I had to get to the interview), it did not kill me, in fact I felt really good for having pushed a little.
I am a bit anxious about the run on Sunday, don’t want to put pressure on myself lest I feel bad. But you know what, I will go for broke in the last 5 km. Go as hard as I can, if I can. The discomfort will be temporary, I might do better than I thought.
I fear being a consultant – what if I am not up to it?. I fear doing a PhD -what if it falls flat? When I was really down, I feared losing my home, my loved ones, my career. It was irrational.
I can challenge and manage my fear. I can act brave, despite feeling wimpy, and I am the better for it. I can sit with the fear, anxiety and discomfort, for it will pass. I can do it.