Moving forward.. (though not with the nasal twang).
I have been doing really well with the psychologist. Most of the more unhealthy parts of my eating, such as the binges till I am sick or the compulsive eating till things are finished are gone. Here are some examples:
- I have been able to leave a freddo mostly uneaten in the fridge overnight.
- I have been able to eat half of something and leave the other half – cases in point – the chocolate ecstasy icecream at the movies (Inception – overrated), the salt and vinegar chips.
- I have stopped eating when I am not hungry – the weekly episodes of overeating until unwell have been absent for the last couple of months.
- I am getting better at eating before ravenous hunger sets in
- I have not submitted as much to emotional eating -case in point – shunning the fish and chips after the nasty encounter with the bosses and just letting myself feel the pain.
- I have mostly been limiting myself to 2 wines when I go out.
I have gained confidence around food. I can say no, I can say that’s enough. And I have done well, because most of it has been done in the setting of having a shitty time at work. So credit where credit is due. (Sassy pats own back)
Weight wise, I have not weighed myself in a couple of weeks, I think I am slightly smaller in the top half, which is where the weight comes off first. Indeed, some of my tops fit slightly better. I am a bit scared to weigh myself.
I am increasing in my acceptance of myself, but I would, as always, like to see my weight fall gently down like a feather dropping slowly in the breeze. Yet the thought of going on a diet, any form of denial, fills me with dread. Why? Because it is not the way I want to live my life. I love food. I am coming to respect it rather than abuse it.
So a few little things I would like to do are (note the positive language, no should, no don’t):
- Cut back on the butter. I eat a little too much. Keeping it to with its soulmate which is green leafy vegies.
- Avoid the crappy biscuits at work. They are empty calories and really just not all that enjoyable. If I am really, really feeling like something sweet, I will make it count by having something nice, like a chocolate, and really savouring it rather than gobbling it up.
- Making sure I have a substantial healthy morning snack, some ideas are carrots with hommus (thanks em), home made bircher muesli (can’t always face yoghurt alone but can with oats and raspberries), apple with almond butter, bread with peanut butter/jam (half sandwich) – add any other ideas here!
- Continuing to have a good lunch (another pat on back), but adding a good hit of protein to it, my energy is much better.
- Lighter snack for arvo tea
- Trying to get some exercise in most days, even if it is only 20 minutes. I am working in Williamstown, so I can go for a run along the beach after work. The problem with exercising before work is that I am much more hungry throughout the day.
- Trying to have 1-2 alcohol free days per week and enjoying the small glass of wine with dinner the other weeknights. I love wine and the idea of going wine free all week is a little much to bear (and, of course, makes me more likely to binge)
- If I feel tired, which is commonplace- taking 2 minutes for a stretch and a herbal tea rather than eating biscuits at the computer at work and putting crumbs on it and just making myself more flat.
- Trying to switch over to sweet potato and pumpkin at dinner, or mixing this with the spuds, and keeping the pasta and rice to a couple of times a week. I really am partial to a spud but they are probably better enjoyed at lunchtime.
I have come off my antidepressant tablets now, after a prolonged wean. I am getting a lot of withdrawal symptoms – achy muscles, nausea, dizziness, but I am being gentle on myself and it will pass.