I am feeling a bit fragile, teary even, after the visit with the psychologist. She asked me about my past, including some traumatic things which no doubt have a bearing on why I feel compelled to eat when not hungry. I used to be able to speak of these things dispassionately and feel quite normal. Now I feel sad and get upset. Which is much more normal, I suppose. Progress.
She thinks I have some binge eating issues (? disorder). That was quite confronting to hear. But one part of me says, yeah, no shit!
At times I feel a bit resentful, or self-indulgent, or whatever about seeing a therapist. It is expensive, and I want to send the invoice to whomever has pissed me off this week.
But my health is my responsibility. It is my investment. It has been a long time coming.
After I went to the talky lady, I went to the supermarket to buy some ingredients for the very yummy surprise I will be cooking for andrew and kat. Lindt chocolate was on sale, so I bought some – plain, sea salt and mint. I enjoyed a single piece of the sea salt one and the mint one. I don’t need anymore, too rich. I have been craving some mint chocolate today. I love dark choc – yummy, but too rich to over-eat. I have also managed to save half a little packet of jelly beans, I left them in the cupboard last week (where before I would have eaten the lot). I ate three jelly beans. A vast improvement.
I have been quite good this week, noting how the food I eat makes me feel. I find if I had a big hit of carbs at lunch, I am more likely to get the mid-arvo slump. So I am avoiding it.
I have been feeling better in my work, and more benevolent to my boss. Here are the reasons:
- the boss is really quite good at her job, and all bosses have their quirks.
- In terms of the two years seniority to me, consultancy is an accellerated learning curve, so I guess she is quite a bit ahead of me.
- If I give her attitude, it will make her job harder and that will also make me look bad too.
- I have decided to humour her and listen to her because, heck, I might learn something.
- She has backed off
- Plus I find it very hard to be cross with somebody who buys me coffee.
This arvo, I had the half day off and was planning to go for a run. But I was tired from the 0745 starts and took a nap instead – I honoured my body’s wishes, which I need to learn to do more. Then I woke up and had a swim. I enjoyed it. I really enjoyed it. I hope to go on another bike ride with hubby soon.
Tomorrow = FRIDAY….hell fricking YEAH.