Opening the floodgates.


I am feeling a bit fragile, teary even, after the visit with the psychologist. She asked me about my past, including some traumatic things which no doubt have a bearing on why I feel compelled to eat when not hungry. I used to be able to speak of these things dispassionately and feel quite normal. Now I feel sad and get upset. Which is much more normal, I suppose. Progress.

She thinks I have some binge eating issues (? disorder). That was quite confronting to hear. But one part of me says, yeah, no shit!

At times I feel a bit resentful, or self-indulgent, or whatever about seeing a therapist. It is expensive, and I want to send the invoice to whomever has pissed me off this week.

But my health is my responsibility. It is my investment. It has been a long time coming.

After I went to the talky lady, I went to the supermarket to buy some ingredients for the very yummy surprise I will be cooking for andrew and kat. Lindt chocolate was on sale, so I bought some – plain, sea salt and mint. I enjoyed a single piece of the sea salt one and the mint one. I don’t need anymore, too rich. I have been craving some mint chocolate today. I love dark choc – yummy, but too rich to over-eat. I have also managed to save half a little packet of jelly beans, I left them in the cupboard last week (where before I would have eaten the lot). I ate three jelly beans. A vast improvement.

I have been quite good this week, noting how the food I eat makes me feel. I find if I had a big hit of carbs at lunch, I am more likely to get the mid-arvo slump. So I am avoiding it.

I have been feeling better in my work, and more benevolent to my boss. Here are the reasons:

  • the boss is really quite good at her job, and all bosses have their quirks.
  • In terms of the two years seniority to me, consultancy is an accellerated learning curve, so I guess she is quite a bit ahead of me.
  • If I give her attitude, it will make her job harder and that will also make me look bad too.
  • I have decided to humour her and listen to her because, heck, I might learn something.
  • She has backed off
  • Plus I find it very hard to be cross with somebody who buys me coffee.

This arvo, I had the half day off and was planning to go for a run. But I was tired from the 0745 starts and took a nap instead – I honoured my body’s wishes, which I need to learn to do more. Then I woke up and had a swim. I enjoyed it. I really enjoyed it. I hope to go on another bike ride with hubby soon.

Tomorrow = FRIDAY….hell fricking YEAH.

3 responses »

  1. I’m looking forward to Sunday too!

    I think that the pysch stuff sounds like progress too!

    If you can eat only one piece of that Lindt Sea Salt choc, you have much more willpower than me!

    Hint (from a boss type person). How to make a boss feel good about themselves … make them think they are helping you, make them feel like they are teaching you something! After all that is why they are there. For me, nothing feels better than one of my people telling me that, or just seeing them do something, or act in a way that you have guided them to.

  2. I am looking foward to Sunday too, feeling a little nervous also.

    I agree with Andrew – seeing the psych sounds to me like steps in the right direction. Hang in there.

  3. About 6 years ago after a restructure I ended up with a new boss, she was someone who I had worked with as an equal in the past, I was bitter and resentful.

    6 years later I have the upmost respect for her, she is a great friend and we have a fantastic working relationship.

    And I’ve always been a little embarrassed about how I treated her early on 😳

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