(Brutal) honesty

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Firstly, a lovely dinner with Morsey – salmon, wine, choc cake. Yumm, and lovely to see her in real life. Good to have friends that actually exist.

I have been waxing lyrical about accepting myself, shortcomings (fat rolls, controversy and zits) with my strengths (brains and a razor wit). I have not been worrying about my diet.

And guess what? I have gained 2.5kgs! Too many happy weeks.

My name is Cilla, and I weigh 77.5kg. (audience claps at bravery).

Fuck.

It is hard to get the balance right. We celebrate all our self-esteem with a faceful of chocolate and just eating too much. So where is the happy medium? The balance between neuroticism/weight loss and self esteem/reckless abandon? I just don’t know, I seek the balance but just have not been able sustain it.

Perhaps the aiming for 2 fruit and 5 veg is a tentative step in the right direction. Worrying about what I should eat rather than obsessing over what I should not. I have honestly charted my food intake on weight watchers, after having just told Kat what an annoying exericse it is. It was a lot. There are too many “celebratory days”; too many excuses to be sociable. It just happens too often. I am frightened to restrict, frightened denial of any food will severely impair my quality of life. I need to challenge this.

I just need to keep stepping in the right direction. I need to just keep trying.

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2 responses »

  1. It’s definately not easy. It’s a matter of keep plugging away. Keeping a positive attitude will eventually lead to success – or that’s what I keep telling myself. lol

  2. I hear you loudly- I plan to knuckle down when there are no reasons to treat myself, like today, for when there are reasons. I started back on Calorie King today- every little snack included 😦 Thanks for dinner last night!

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