The Ugly Truth. (or TUT)

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Am going to see that movie with a girlfriend today. So a good name for my post.

The ugly truth was realised yesterday as I was reading through my past blog entries.

Repetetively:

  • I wanna lose weight. Am not happy with my body. Only this morning, I was looking at myself and thinking this.
  • Then going into minute detail of the rich, decadent and often just plain crappy food I eat.

A pattern emerged. I was going to say “a shameful pattern” but to put it into perspective, the violence in the city and the treatment of refugees is shameful. I would say it is uncomfortable.

I, like most overweight people (and yes overweight seems a derogatory term but it is in fact the truth, with my BMI sitting at about 27) seem to be in a chronic state of denial.

Now, on the surface, I know everything there is to know about weight loss. Portion control, lots of vegies, food more important than exercise, not eating a big meal just before bed, good protein, low GI, low GL, low fat ad infinitum.

I am also a smart girl. A go-getting girl. I am quite fit. Not unattractive. I can do almost everything I put my mind to. Except, that is, to get the body I want.

Will being thinner make me a better person? No, it most certainly will not. Will it make me healthier? Probably, in the longer term, yes, it will make a difference. Will it make me happier – well, I am generally a happy person but this is one big area of my life that I am not happy with. So yes, maybe it will. 

So why do I find it so difficult? I know exactly what to do. I think the problems are not to do with food at all.

Let me put the reasons out there. Maybe typing them out loud is the first step.

  • I eat the crappy food because I feel that if I don’t eat it now, when will I? (when in reality I do it all the time). A sense of missing out.
  • Stress….. stress needs to be chocolate coated and filled with caramel and biscuit pieces.
  • Boredom? 
  • Celebration. I feel like a good event must be chocolate coated, served with wine and a rich meal.
  • Is it possible that I do not actually  want to be “normal weight” (i.e. BMI 20 to 24.9? No excuses then!
  • Is there something even deeper than that? Something gloomy, creepy and Freudian?

What is clear is that, despite the fact that I think I cope well with life and what it throws at me (and, from what I have achieved, I would say that that is true), my response repertoire to day-to-day events is very, very limited.

I stress. I eat. I drink wine. I celebrate. I eat, I drink wine. I am bored, ditto. 

Holy crap, I think I just got what the book The No Diet Diet is on about!

A breakthrough of sorts.

Where to from here?

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4 responses »

  1. Firstly, you are not in denial. Denial is what I was in for 20 years+, being 30-40kg overweight and not thinking anything was wrong at all. You are not in denial, because you know that you are not at your ideal weight, and you are doing something about it, albeit with a few lapses.

    Secondly, whilst you are not at your ideal weight, but you do not look overweight either (IMHO).

    Thirdly, based on my own experience – you will be a lot happier when you get to your “goal” weight. Difficulty is working out what that is.

    Fourthly, if you can cut out the crappy food for long enough (it’s hard), you won’t want it any more. At least that was my experience.

  2. Yup!

    When I was growing up there wasn’t much money, food was pretty utilitarian, when I went to uni I lived out of home and there wasn’t much money, food often was sacrificed to pay rent and bills.

    Now I should be comfortable that I know where my next meal is coming from but I often have a slight panicky feeling that I better eat now because it might not be there later. I can also afford to indulge myself with yummy things, so I do, because I love to eat 🙂

    I am also a greedy pig who has to finish everything on my plate and everyone else’s as well 🙄

    I say don’t “diet”, its a horrible miserable state that dooms you to failure. Be kind to yourself, don’t sweat a blow out and know that you are a fit, healthy intelligent woman with a hubby who loves you and obviously thinks you are beautiful.

  3. I sat here just nodding nodding nodding at your post. Calories in < Calories out= simple but I just struggle to do it. I think about getting my head read every now and then to find out why I sabotage my eating plans so often, but it doesnt seem like a proper problem, just a lack of willpower. Like you I want to know WHY!

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