Am going to see that movie with a girlfriend today. So a good name for my post.
The ugly truth was realised yesterday as I was reading through my past blog entries.
- I wanna lose weight. Am not happy with my body. Only this morning, I was looking at myself and thinking this.
- Then going into minute detail of the rich, decadent and often just plain crappy food I eat.
A pattern emerged. I was going to say “a shameful pattern” but to put it into perspective, the violence in the city and the treatment of refugees is shameful. I would say it is uncomfortable.
I, like most overweight people (and yes overweight seems a derogatory term but it is in fact the truth, with my BMI sitting at about 27) seem to be in a chronic state of denial.
Now, on the surface, I know everything there is to know about weight loss. Portion control, lots of vegies, food more important than exercise, not eating a big meal just before bed, good protein, low GI, low GL, low fat ad infinitum.
I am also a smart girl. A go-getting girl. I am quite fit. Not unattractive. I can do almost everything I put my mind to. Except, that is, to get the body I want.
Will being thinner make me a better person? No, it most certainly will not. Will it make me healthier? Probably, in the longer term, yes, it will make a difference. Will it make me happier – well, I am generally a happy person but this is one big area of my life that I am not happy with. So yes, maybe it will.
So why do I find it so difficult? I know exactly what to do. I think the problems are not to do with food at all.
Let me put the reasons out there. Maybe typing them out loud is the first step.
- I eat the crappy food because I feel that if I don’t eat it now, when will I? (when in reality I do it all the time). A sense of missing out.
- Stress….. stress needs to be chocolate coated and filled with caramel and biscuit pieces.
- Celebration. I feel like a good event must be chocolate coated, served with wine and a rich meal.
- Is it possible that I do not actually want to be “normal weight” (i.e. BMI 20 to 24.9? No excuses then!
- Is there something even deeper than that? Something gloomy, creepy and Freudian?
What is clear is that, despite the fact that I think I cope well with life and what it throws at me (and, from what I have achieved, I would say that that is true), my response repertoire to day-to-day events is very, very limited.
I stress. I eat. I drink wine. I celebrate. I eat, I drink wine. I am bored, ditto.
Holy crap, I think I just got what the book The No Diet Diet is on about!
A breakthrough of sorts.
Where to from here?