Bring on da weekend…. (plus a rant)

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Have mercifully gotten out of tonight’s on call….God bless my off-sider.

My sister has stopped talking to me altogether.

The thing was, I did not invite her to my birthday party. I didn’t think she’d come. She didn’t come last year. The would baulk about not having any money to pay the price of the meal, she was working anyway and she left in the middle of the last big birthday party to go with her own friends. 

My actions were probably  a bit bitchy, but dammit, I have been good to my sister. Lent (on occasion given) her money when she has needed it, given her a place to stay when she had no place, cooked her dinner on many occasions, shouted her to movies, bought her nice stuff back from overseas etc etc. Never anything in return. Ok – I have enough money, and she doesn’t have a lot. Fine. But it was also the effort on her part that was lacking; she never invited me anywhere, barely lifted a finger to help when she was staying with us rent free. The only birthday present I have received from her was a Greys anatomy DVD set (her favourite, I don’t like it), In July (my birthday is in March) and she wanted to watch it first. She would claim that she had no money to buy stuff yet she would go out drinking and smoking and living in a place far to expensive for her. She never asked me how I was when she called up. We never had that close relationship that sisters have, we never got into deep and meaningful conversation.

So when I took her to task about the way she has been acting, and told her why I didn’t invite her to my birthday, she completely cracked it. She said she had had a horrible year last year (she was not the only one, not that she would have known anyway) and was cutting all the “negative” people out of her life. And she hasn’t contacted me since.

Well, I was really upset about this. Still am. I figured out that most of it stems from a fear of being left alone, that my husband and friends would leave me (I know, crazy).

I hate the idea of being estranged from any of my family…….but I figured out that most of my effort with my sister was out of a sense of guilt; that I was the successful older sister, I was married to a good bloke, I had a good job. I felt sorry that my sister didn’t have all this. I used to feel guilty when I would get irritated with her and then try to overcompensate by being super good to her.

We had the same crappy childhood. The same alcoholic father. The same opportunities that our dear mother sacrificed to give us. I made more of those opportunities and learned that if I wanted something, I had to work very hard for it. So why do I keep feeling sorry for her? Don’t know.

I love her, she is my sister and I would never wish anything bad for her. But as a person, I don’t particularly like her. I don’t like the way she treats us; she only really ever contacts mum when she wants to lend money. I know mum hates us arguing but I really felt better when my mum said “don’t worry, you’ve been a good sister”. The sense of irritation with my sister, always a source of guilt, was probably well founded!

As much as it upsets me, I have to say “It’s her loss”.

I worry quite a bit about Mum, she is morbidly obese, smokes heavily and gets extremely short of breath crossing the road. I worry she will get sick. This is probably the root of my anxiety to keep things nice between my sister and I. At the end of the day, though, I can’t really do anything about it.

 

Anyway, that is my rant. It was helpful and thankyou for reading this far.

A good weekend shaping up – going out to dinner to see off one of my bosses friday night, SFA planned for saturday but prob a dance class will be done. Sunday I am going to see if I can better my 10km PB at the Sri C race in Richmond. Shouldn’t be too hard as the last time (MM 08) was crapola; 75:48. If I can get under 70 I will be happy. Hope the course isn’t too hilly.

Bye now.

One response »

  1. Families can be painful things can’t they ….

    Well, if you didn’t like yesterdays suggestion, what about a slight modification …. Melbourne Half Marathon October ?

    I did my first half in October 06, and my first ever fun run was the 06 R4TK. If I can do it at 47 years of age, so can you!

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